This blog is about the review of my recent life changing event – been married 6 months but what have I learnt?
This is a story I’ve not told to most people. But I think it's worth sharing. In 2013 I was doing a bus pick up at church and was told to pick up a new church member who just came from Nigeria to Loughborough university for her master degree. She was looking for a church to settle in during the 1 year study period. So, as it happened that she liked the church marking the beginning of my frequent bus pick up rounds with this particular “new church member” sitting in the front passenger seat – more like my personal co-driver.
As you may have guessed, by putting the title of this blog plus the first paragraph, this lady is now my wife. We got married in September 2016 in Lagos. The thought of getting married felt so unreal that I didn’t know how to react to the fact that I decided with my then fiancée that it was time to get married. 4 months to the wedding, a few people asked me if I was stressed if I have sorted this or that. My answers mostly come as “no, I’m not stressed”, “it will be sorted later”. I was getting an impression that I ought to be feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I’ve seen the kind of stress my sisters went through while preparing for their marriages, they were mostly stressed. I could also tell from a few of my friends that got married before me that preparing for the biggest day of their lives comes with stress but there was I, feeling all comfy, stress less, lacking the imagination of what being married will feel like. I am grateful today that God helped me to realise that it is not everything you see at other people’s wedding that is necessary for us. With this understanding, we only did what was mandatory, everything else came as help, gifts and we had everything we needed on the wedding day. Nigerian Wedding usually suffers from “you invite me, I’ll invite my friends” syndrome. Therefore, in Nigeria, a typical wedding will have over 1000 attendants. Typically, food, drinks and seating spaces run out but we were just fine and we have more than 1000 guests.
So why did I agree with to get married to my so-called church member who also was my co-driver and best friend? The answer to the question will probably require 2 extra blog posts but I’ll pass on those for now and just give a short answer. I strongly perceived that she is my wife and that it was no coincidence that she came to Loughborough to study. My bible says in 1 john 4:1 “test all spirit to know which is from God...” I think I tested the initial thought of her being my future and ONLY wife from NOW TILL ETERNITY by being just a friend. It was a kind of friendship with no expectation or investment. What I mean by “no investment” is that I was not doing anything for her that I will expect in return for a favour. So I loved cooking (it was what I love doing when I want to avoid working) so I really don’t mind offering some of my food to her. In the same way, i don’t mind offering my food to other friends of mine.
So, back to testing the thought, I started to become convinced that the slim, short and highly enthusiastic lady has a bigger taller personality on the inside that happens to be subtle but strong. Her personalities to me are a reflection of a proverbs 31 lady. I really don’t want to go the cliché route by sweet talking what felt ordinary to me. I won't call her a proverbs 31 woman but ill say God had deposited all the characteristics of a godly woman in her. Ok, I'll pause a little here.
What do I mean by “characteristics of a godly woman”? In 1 Peter 3:3-4, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.”
Before meeting my good friend, I found myself I've being attracted to many ladies who I believe we're beautiful. I honestly think so, but looking back, I'll agree that I knew so little about a woman’s beauty in the context of 1 peter 3. The kind of beauty that lasts is the type that comes from inside, not really the face or body figure. Anything can happen to the face or body but the inner make-up of person shines beyond the facial or body. The hard thing is: mist guys will only see what they are looking for. When I was looking for a pretty lady by face and body definition, I was finding them (unfortunately it’s one thing to find and it’s another to get) lol. Anyway, I have come to accept that I want and I need God’s choice of a wife for myself after all he made eve just for Adam, I believe I have been made a wife to by God.
Seeing that she cares less about her looks but she deeply cares about her choice of friends, she cares about Gods purpose for her life, she cares about her parents she cares about her friends, I can go on but the point is that she possesses these Characteristics of 1 Peter 3:3-4, which I have come to appreciate. I know God will keep working on anyone who lets Him, so I was truly confident that She is right for me and with God forever binding us together, we will both grow together to please God and love each other seamlessly.
My next blog will look at the lessons I have to learn about myself and her in the 6 months of being married.